If You Give a Surgeon a Scalpel

(with apologies to Laurie Numeroff)

If you give a surgeon a scalpel, he’s going to want a pick-up.
But wait! He’ll remember that he always operates better with some music.
“Nurse! Can you put on the radio please?”
“Certainly, Doctor. Do you want Rock?”
“No.”
“Classical?”
“No.”
“Country?”
“No.”
“Easy Listening?”
“Oh, God, no.”

Then he’ll remember that he has a Frank Sinatra CD in his car. He’ll want you to page the tech and ask him to run down and get it.
While you’re waiting, he’ll hum a few bars and show off a few dance moves to the scrub nurse. “Yes sir! I used to really cut the rug in my day.” He’ll say.

While he’s dancing, he’ll remember that he’s parked illegally. He’ll have you page the tech and see if he can move his car while he’s down there.
Suddenly, the resident will comment that he’s hungry. A spirited discussion will ensue on where’s the best place for lunch.
“Chinese?”
“No.”
“Thai?”
“No.”
“Italian?”
“No, I had pizza yesterday. Sandwiches?”

The surgeon will remember that a great, new Mediterranean place opened up. You’ll page the tech again while he talks about the great hummus and baba ghanoush. “Wait! I want brownies, too! Tell him to get brownies!”
To fill in the time, he’ll tell a story about the time he vacationed in Greece and lost the keys to the rental car on the beach and they had to walk 10 miles back to their hotel room and his wife didn’t speak to him for 3 days.

Finally, the tech comes back with 5 Frank Sinatra CD’s, the keys to his car, now washed and polished, one pint each of hummus and baba ghanoush, 6 gyros, a 2 liter bottle of soda(it was a special), extra pita, two types of brownies and baklava.
“Hmmm. Now what was I going to do?”
The anesthesiologist looks out from behind his paper and coughs, “Ahem”.
“Oh, yes. I was going to ask for a scalpel.”

To all my favorite surgeons and everyone else:

Happy Holidays and all the best in 2008!!