Thursday, April 10, 2008

Legacy


I want to tell you a story. You may think you know the people involved, especially if you’ve been in health care for any period of time. Lately, I’ve been thinking about a lot of stories from my years as a nurse, mostly because I’ve been working with an awesome and funny agency nurse who keeps egging me on. Narcissist that I am, I happily oblige her. This, however, is one person’s story in particular.


It’s the story of an average girl, from an average family. By all accounts she was funny, even irreverent, smart, sassy and full of energy. She was opinionated. She had a lot of friends. If you were to look into her future, you might see college and a career, a family, some kids. Maybe she had something really big coming down the pike-like she’d write a famous novel or develop a cure for a major illness. At 17 years old, on the verge of womanhood, I’m sure she thought about her future a lot.


I’m not sure any of us understand why sometimes children die. I like to think that the children who come into our lives only to be taken away too soon come with a purpose. They teach us to love, they teach us to make every day count and most of all they teach us that to be human is an impermanent state, as fleeting as butterflies. Or perhaps that’s just my rational mind searching for meaning to a meaningless tragedy. In any event, on this day eight years ago, this 17 year old girl died.


I will never meet Kari. At best, I can get an idea of who she was and who she might have become through the people who knew her. Yet, this 17 year old, who died eight years ago today, has touched my life. She’s touched a lot of lives, people that she never knew in places she could never imagine. Think about it-if you died today, do you think that your life would have meaning to anyone beyond your circle of family and friends? So many of the things we do, as human beings, are done to insure that something- some part of us, will live on after we die: great works of art are created, books are written, children are born. You can take the poorest among us or the most powerful and all want to be remembered, to leave behind a legacy.

If Kari had lived her life exactly as she did, she would have left behind a legacy of love and happiness and that would have been enough. But Kari did one thing more. She had already told her parents that if she died, she wanted to be an organ donor. Sure, her parents probably thought, never thinking that they’d actually have to honor that request. But they did. When Kari died, someone had to approach that family and ask them, in the midst of their grief, to donate her organs and they, in the midst of their grief, said yes.


You would think that that would be an easy and straightforward decision. But her parents didn’t have to say yes. There’s also a possibility that her parents wouldn’t have been asked. The road to requesting organ donation is more complicated than most may realize. The hospital may not have called in the referral to the organ procurement organization. They may have said to the family-there’s nothing more to be done, let’s just pull the plug and let her go. The nurses may have thought-what’s the use, this patient is dead or going to die, and not been vigilant in maintaining her organ function. Instead, in those hours as Kari became brain dead, calls were made, support was provided, information was given and a whole host of people, some of whom will never realize it, made the organ donation happen. From many, to one, back to many, Kari’s donation became like a stone thrown in a lake, the ripples carrying the legacy of her life farther and farther from its original impact.


I know about Kari because her lungs now live in my friend Steve. I know I talk a lot about the fact that people shouldn’t have to be proven “worthy” in order to receive a transplant, but if there’s a person out there who’s more worthy of those lungs, I’ve yet to find him. In eight years Steve has become the head cheerleader of the “Keep Kari’s Memory Alive” team. I always knew he was filled with gratitude. Although he’s very vocal about how much his transplant has transformed his life, it was his unspoken actions that showed me the depth of his devotion: on his key ring is a little sandal with one word on it-Kari.


I don’t know how many people Steve has touched in his life, but if you walk the streets of Chicago with him, you’d think he was the mayor. Someone once told me that gratitude is an action word and watching him in action is a lesson in how to live life. When I get to feeling sorry for myself, I write to Steve and soon I’m wondering what the hell I’m moping around about. And Steve is one person. Kari donated several of her organs-each one touching a life, each life touching the people around them, and those around them until, until what? I don’t know, but if you want to know what love to the infinity squared looks like, think of Kari. That’s a legacy any of us would be proud to leave behind.
*photo by Howard Thompson

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is a touching story. I have but one question: do Kari's parents know Steve and the other recipients of her organs?

KarenM in NC

PJ Geraghty said...

TC can tell more of the story, but yes, Kari's parents have met Steve.

TC: Great summary of one of the more touching "national" stories about donation in recent years.

Steve: keep breathing, brother :-)

BreathinSteven said...

Hey KarenM in NC...

I'll vouch for PJ -- Kari's parents know me. I've hugged them.

I'll comment a little more soon -- I've read this a few times and every time I get half way through I seem to begin to have trouble seeing the words through the tears...

I've hugged TC too... I wish I could right now.

And PJ, I think you rock too... I'll do my bestest on that breathin' request...

Love,

Steve

Anonymous said...

i want to send a thank you to kari and her family for making that hard decision. i can't imagine my life without my friend steve in it. he brings all of us a kind of grace and joy that i had never seen in action. i never see him without a knowing smile that seems to lead to his gratitude for life and kari's gift to him.
peace,
sue

-Scott (Campaign Manager) said...

Ditto, ditto.....DITTO. You couldn't have said it better TC, what an amazing post. The world would not be the same without Breathin' Steven.

Anonymous said...

TC~Thank you for sharing what I already know and love about Steve and Kari...I too reach out too Steve when I am feeling like I am failing...I wonder if I am doing enough...I hope he knows I am just as eagerly ready to reach out and support him. I think he does ;) Thank you.....for sharing....all that is true and beautiful in how Kari has rippled through our lives.

Anonymous said...

Both Steve and Laura are amazing individuals who a true examples of kind, loving, fun, giving people. They are an inspiration and I'm proud to know them.

UnsinkableMB said...

Thank you for this amazing and inspiring post...

Cheers,

M.

Just Me said...

I had to send my computer off to get the speakers fixed and it came back without any of my "favorites"...today I decided I should find your blog again. I am so glad I did! This past Tuesday, I had the opportunity to listen to Reg Green speak about his transplant story (http://www.nicholasgreen.org/) and purchase his book called "The Gift that Heals". It was an inspirational and emotional talk, and I am looking forward to reading all the stories in the book.

I hope you get to start your new job soon and am looking forward to reading about your work. Now that I have you "bookmarked" again, I'll be checking in more frequently :o) Keep up the great work!
Take care,
Amanda

BreathinSteven said...

Hey Just Me/Amanda!!!

How kinda ironic!!! Me and Kari are chapter 19 in Reg's book, "The Gift that Heals"... And I think you'll find a LOT of amazing stories in that beautiful book...

Glad your "favorites" are getting back in order!!!

Love,

Steve

Just Me said...

Steve,
Oh, I can't wait to get there...I think I'm only on Chapter 3, but I'll get there eventually (I'm trying to take my time so I don't miss any of the really important stuff!).

Yes, I can't believe I almost forgot to put "donorcycle" back on my favorites list...look what I would have missed!! (now all the most important ones are back in order, right?!)

Take care,
Amanda

BreathinSteven said...

Hey Amanda!!!

Two words: skip to chapter nineteen it starts on page eighty!!! (OK, more than two words but whatever...) Then you get to read it again when you're going through the rest of the book!

And when you're reading about leaping tall buildings, remember TC came with me this year...

Love,

Steve

BreathinSteven said...

Me again...

You wrote this post almost three months ago... I'll bet I've read it 200 times.

Every time I read it, it makes me cry... Every time I read it I feel proud, and honored... Every time I read it I feel Kari's smile wrapped around me...

Thank you, TC... You weave words wonderfully -- you're leaving your own ripples... I don't really need much remindin', but this post makes me feel Kari's love so very deeply -- which is why I'm sure I'll read it a few hundred more times...

It's easy to feel your love too...

Love,

Steve

Tamara Thomas said...

This original post was written about six weeks before my own daughter left this world - and her organs to five people who are living better lives, five families who are not grieving as I have. The gift of organ donation is a priceless one - and not just for the recipients. We donor families receive a great deal of comfort, knowing our precious loved ones live on... Thank you.