Well, I have to say that doing Grand Rounds might have been the easiest thing I've done all week. And that's saying a lot, cause I thought GR was frustrating as all get out, what with the blogger and the mixed up links and the staying up all night fretting about it.
My laptop's broke. I was out for two days straight, trying to get 7 organs from a poor teenager who crashed his car. The last 24 hours on the case the RN and I were working our butts off, trying to turn around a crashing donor. In the OR, everything that could go wrong, did go wrong and I've spent the past 2 days second guessing myself, my boss and my career. Maybe I should work as a recipient coordinator. Maybe I should go back to the PICU. I'm confused. Then, today, when I still haven't really gotten any sleep all week, I get called out at 8am. And I'm the backup person. I shouldn't get called out unless everyone else is on downtime or out on a case. This led to harsh words exchanged between the Love Monkey and I and us missing a jazz fest we had planned for several months ago. We're better now, but it's my own damn fault. I need a vacation.
I was back home at 8pm. I got to see my little baby-boo sleeping all curled up. She's what keeps me going. I wish I could be home 24/7 with her. Aaaarrggghhh. And the thing is, I like my job and I'm good at it. But maybe it's not what I need to be doing right now.
5 comments:
Sounds like quite the couple of days. Sleep.
How difficult this must be, feeling the pull of motherhood and job and your own life. Especially when the job you're doing is one of those jobs that makes such a difference, and is also emotionally and physically draining. I've no words of advice, of course. Just a hello, and I hope you find some rest.
The really annoying thing is that I work with a lot of people who never had kids or people whose kids are grown and they're like, "work 60 hours a week? 32 hours in a row? No problem!"
Oh...hope things are going better. From tobsih's comment it sounds like a job with high burnout?....hope you find a sweet spot in the meaningful work/family/sleep/time for you balance :)
I hear you. I'm doing your job with two your kids also, no one around me has kids at home. Its hard, but like you, I couldn't do anything else. Keep your chin up.
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