Sunday, February 24, 2008

I'm leaving, on a jet plane

Well, I got a late start but I’m in the air. I was on the plane to the train and had just gotten on the second train when Love Monkey called and said come home. I thought the worst at first, of course. I thought something had happened to one of the kids or my parents, but no. It turns out that there was some weather or something at the airport. So I got off train #2, got back onto train #1 and went home. It was the quickest trip to the city ever.

On the flip side, I got to see Pooter (she was sleeping when I left) and we had lunch and took a nap together, so that was nice. Got up around 5ish, checked the airport website and decided it was safe to venture out again. It turns out I had to take the train to the train to the airtrain to a security checkpoint to a shuttle bus to the plane. Sheesh. Then I had a snack.

As for airport security, everytime I go through, I wonder why people put up with this. I saw some guy, who looked like my dad, get frisked-and I mean frisky, lets-see-what-you’re-hiding-under-your-testicles frisked, right in front of me. Because he forgot to remove his belt. Fortunately for me, I left my TSA-Totally Sucks Ass shirt at home or else they’d be tasering me still.

Anyway, now that I got the conservatives all riled up and sending me emails, I totally missed pizza and beer due to the delay. Ah, well. The delay also gave my flying phobia several more hours to marinate. Seriously, I’m totally scared to fly. I’ve tried Xanax, alcohol, meditation, prayer and hypnosis. The hypnosis worked. Now, I’m only mildly terrified. Actually, it’s really only the takeoff that gets me. It’s so, unnatural, getting all that weight off the ground. Once we’re at cruising altitude I’m ok and I figure I’ll take my chances on the landing. I take my seat, say a prayer, do a little guided imagery and tell myself that it’s ok, I’ve live a good life. I’ve learned a little, loved a lot and laughed often. Then, prepared to go into the great beyond, I buckle in. The great thing about Jetblue is that the TV stays on during takeoff. I got to watch Chris Rock make fun of white people. I figured if I died, at least I’d die laughing.

Arrived at O’Hare a little before 11pm. Steve not only picked my up but let me sleep on his couch. Muchas Gracias to him and Laura for their hospitality and the comfiest couch ever.

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